i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
