i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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