And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
