i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
