based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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