Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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