Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
