I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
