theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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