we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We got so high we made milksteak
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
