i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
