we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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