I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
