she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
