I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
