I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
