It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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