The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
