But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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