I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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