Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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