Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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