med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
