You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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