i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
