jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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