theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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