sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
