Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
