ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
