that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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