I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
