then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
