Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
