I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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