Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
