there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
