Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
