oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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