i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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