I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
