Are we in a gay sports bar?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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