There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
