I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
