the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
