Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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