Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
