Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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