They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
