i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
