At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
