Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
