happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
