come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
