I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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