After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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